The bonding of siblings is an often complicated process. Children mix feelings of joy and excitement and jealousy. In this article I explore three ideas of how I helped Little Fox (21 months) and Little Badger (newborn) bond. Plus I have some new ideas for helping Little Badger (3) and Little Fox (5) bond with our family’s newest addition: Little Owl (newborn). So read on to hear even more ideas of helping babies and toddlers bond.
From Only Child to Bonding With a First Sibling (Original Story)
Little Fox loved Little Badger from the moment she first saw her. Well, maybe the first look was just confusion. But after that it was hugs and kisses and smiles. Sometimes Little Fox even argues with me over who should be holding the baby. Generally she thinks she should be the one to hold her baby sister.
The affection Little Fox has for her sister is already adorable and lovely. But, sometimes Little Fox feels a bit left behind with all the time and attention Little Badger needs. Since Little Badger’s birth the number of tantrums she’s had tripled. My husband and I agree that she is probably acting out because she isn’t getting as much attention and feels like she isn’t as loved as she used to be. And it seems like every time I settled down for one on one time the baby wakes up. So, for the past two weeks I’ve been working on finding ways to encourage more bonding between Little Fox and Little Badger and finding more activities I can do with Little Fox while holding or feeding Little Badger.
And, not only do I want to be doing more with my older girl, I want to be able to do activities with both my girls together. Here are three of the ideas I am using for bonding in our early days together.
Bonding with Books
Before Little Badger was born, I spent a large portion of the day curled up on our sofa couch reading to Little Fox. After delivery, I continued this reading regime. Little Fox loves books and this is an easy activity to do while nursing or holding a baby. While it wasn’t enough to keep Little Fox from temper tantrums, it did keep her happy most of the time. Especially since she got to choose most of the books.
Playing Ball
When Little Badger was born, we gave Little Fox some gifts, including a textured yellow ball. This was definitely her favourite new toy. Two weeks ago, I realized this was also a great toy to play with together while I nursed or held Little Badger.
Once I have the ball with me, I get Little Fox’s attention. Then I toss/roll the ball away in one of three directions and Little Fox goes chasing after it and brings it back to me. Just playing with the yellow ball makes her happy. But she loves it even more when I join her and am focused on her and “where did the ball go?” This activity also helps expel some energy, which is an added bonus.
Show and Tell
Now that Little Badger is reaching two months old, she is becoming more alert. This means that she enjoys looking at people and objects. While she can’t hold toys yet, she is now old enough to enjoy looking at them. This was the inspiration for this bonding activity for her and her big sister.
Little Fox likes to bring me toys while she is playing. So now, I take the toy and show it to Little Badger. Then I talk about the toy to help Little Fox learn her words and concepts.
So if she brings me a plush dog then I say “Look Little Badger. This is a puppy. Puppies say woof woof.” Then if she brings me a toy car I say, “Look Little Badger, this is a car. Here is a wheel. It is the shape of a circle. Let’s count how many there are. One, two, three, four. There are four circles.”
When Two Becomes Three (New Content)
A three and five year old are capable of a little bit more than a 21 month old. And this opens up the doors to more bonding activities.
Bonding Over Advanced Show And Tell
While older children may not constantly bring me their toys to show me, I can still use their activities as a talking point. So for advanced show and tell I narrate what Little Badger and Little Fox are doing.
“Little Badger is drawing a picture. She has a purple crayon. She uses the purple crayon to trace the letters on her paper.”
In this scenario Little Badger is pleased to have attention from me, the mama. And she is also connecting this attention to us teaching Little Owl. In this way she gains a positive experience with her baby brother. This situation also invites her participation if she wishes. “Yes Little Owl, I draw letters, see?” Or she may come show baby her picture when she is done.
Homeschooling Together
When I sit to do a homeschool lesson with Little Fox, Little Owl often needs to be in my arms. Mostly for feeding, but also just for general baby cuddle needs. Instead of Little Owl being a distraction from Little Fox’s homeschool time with Mama, we can use this as a moment for bonding. “Look, Little Owl wants to be a part of your homeschool lesson right now.”
The main lessons that Little Fox does with me are math and reading lessons. With reading, I can tell her that she can read aloud to me and Little Owl. And in math, I can include Little Owl in the problems that normally include just me and Little Fox. “There are five toys. If Little Owl has two of the toys how many do you have?”
The main focus here is instead of having Little Owl take away attention from Little Fox, instead we are focusing on expanding Little Fox’s attention to Little Owl. So Little Fox is happy she can be a part of Little Owl’s day, rather than jealous that Little Owl is a part of Mama’s day.
Bonding over Baby Montessori
Since Little Badger was born we have learned a lot more about Montessori. So in preparation for the birth of Little Owl, I bought some of the baby Montessori materials. When it comes time to introduce them to Little Owl, we will do this with the help of Little Badger and Little Fox.
As a newborn, Little Owl is in a sensitive period for looking at black and white pictures to develop his vision. Before his birth I explained this to the girls many times. And so they liked to draw him black and white pictures. But I also have black and white card images for showing Little Badger. Instead of me holding these cards for Little Badger to look at, the girls can take turns showing Little Owl pictures. This gives the girls a chance to “play” with the baby.
The Bonding Process
First I have to observe Little Owl, to see when he is showing signs of readiness for a new Montessori work.
Then I introduce the work to Little Badger and Little Fox. These lessons need to go slowly, so the girls can see how slowly they need to do the work in front of Little Owl in order for him to see. I can have the girls practice showing me how they will introduce the work to Little Owl. When they are ready I can say “Yes, you know how to teach this work to Little Owl. When Little Owl is awake and alert you can play this with him.”
Then Little Owl and Little Fox in turn can introduce the works to Little Owl! This gives the girls a chance to bond and interact with Little Owl in an age appropriate way.
The Byzantine Life
Thank you for checking out this week’s article. If you haven’t already, you can read our article about surviving the first two weeks home with a new baby. Or our article on busy bags here.
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