Starting Quiet Time for Kids

Parenting is more than a full time job. It’s 24 hours, 7 days a week, and there are no holidays. But this doesn’t mean that we, as parents, get to spread ourselves thin.

It is important to take breaks, to relax, and to recharge.

One of the best, most consistent ways to ensure you get this break time is to have a daily quiet time. Quiet time has multiple benefits. First of all, it’s free (no nanny/babysitter required). Second, it offers the non-napping child a chance to rest and recharge. Third, it builds self control skills, which are a prerequisite for many other life skills.

There are two methods for beginning quiet time with your child. One, is to take a still napping child and transition the time to napping. Two, is to take a non-napping child and teach them to honour quiet time. So I will go over both these scenarios.

Building Stamina for Quiet Time

Whichever scenario you are in, let’s talk about our goals getting started. On day one, you are going to aim for your child to make it 10-15 minutes in their quiet time space. Day one may not be successful, and that’s okay. You and your child have a goal, and you are going to work towards it.

Consider putting a child’s timer, or colour clock in the quiet time space. This way, your child has a way of knowing how much more time is left. This isn’t necessary, but may help some goal oriented children.

Once your child reaches the quiet time goal, celebrate it! How do you celebrate success in your family? Whether it’s an episode of Bluey, a bite of dessert, or a page of stickers, mark this milestone with your child.

The next day, move the goal up to 15-20 minutes, or even 25 minutes, if your child met the goal easily on the first day.

SET UP FOR SUCCESS

In order to engage the child, you will want these three-five options set up as stations around room used for quiet time. These may be in trays or on shelves in different areas throughout the room. Legos may be in a bin on a rug. Books may be stacked in a pile on a couch or bed. Another station may be set up at a desk or table.

Some great quiet time activities include

Building station: legos/blocks/magnetic tiles
Animals/Dolls/Pretend station
Puzzles
Books
Non messy sensory work (practising buttons/Velcro/zippers, sorting objects by colour)
Drawing (try a doodle board for mess free)
Review worksheets (repeating worksheets that the child has done with you before, that the child enjoyed)

Try using samples of these works when you go through the training for independent play/work below.

STEP ONE – SAFE SPACE

Regardless of whether or not you are doing quiet time, there should be spaces in your home where it is reasonably safe to leave your child alone. Otherwise you haven’t been going to the bathroom. Or taking the garbage out. Or doing a number of other small things that require a moment to yourself. If this is you, spend some time reading up on Montessori “Yes Spaces” and find ways to make a few spaces in your home as child safe as possible. Now, pick a child-proofed space in your home as the place for quiet time.

STEP TWO – INDEPENDENCE

In order for quiet time to be effective, your child needs some ability to work independently. For Montessori families, this skill building starts as early as at 4 months. If that isn’t you, let’s go through the steps of teaching your child to do some activities independently now.

Find an activity your child can reasonably do alone.
Model for them how to do the activity.
Let the child know you want him to do this activity for five minutes by himself while you sweep the floor/ sort the mail, do something three feet away from him. Explain that you will not interrupt him from his work, and that you would like him to not interrupt your work either. Tell him that this means you do not want him to talk to you while you are doing your work so you can focus and finish it correctly.
Pretend to do the thing you said you were going to do. Actually, observe the child on your peripheral vision.
As long as the child isn’t interrupting you, notice him continue the activity. Hopefully he can make it five minutes, but if not that’s okay. If he can make it five minutes, continue to observe him. When you see he is winding down or about to get distracted come back to him and praise his work. “You worked at your Legos independently for five minutes while I swept the floor. You should be proud of yourself for staying focused and doing your work!” Proceed to model for your child how the activity is put away when finished. Be sure to have the child help put the activity away!
- If he didn’t make it 5 minutes, put the activity away, and pull a different one out tomorrow. This time stay right beside him and say you will watch him play without you talking for five minutes. Say you are playing the quiet game and you will not talk until you have made it 5 minutes. This time let him do his play and do not respond to anything he says for 5 minutes.
- If he doesn’t talk to you during this time then you can move back to the three feet away observing tomorrow. Otherwise keep working at staying beside him but going 5 minutes without talking
The next day, try another activity and this time do your pretend work even further away. Aim for 5-10 minutes. You may have to repeat this exercise over several days to get through it without your child interrupting you.
After you successfully get through step 6, give the child an activity and tell him you will be doing your work for a few minutes again too. This time leave the room. See if your child can make it 5-10 minutes doing their activity without coming to look for you.

STEP THREE – ROUTINE

After the child has mastered the ability to work at an activity independently, it is time to teach the whole routine. That is 1. Select activity 2. Do activity 3. Put away activity.

Have a few activities you have taught your child available in trays. Tell your child you need to get some work done again, and that you need him to work by himself too. Show him his three activity options. Then, tell him he may pick an activity from here, and then take it to his table or a spot on the floor. And then he can do the activity, and put it away when his done and select another activity.

Next, you will watch him select an activity and get started himself. Head somewhere out of sight where you can observe your child.

Quiet Time for a Non-Napping 3 Year Old

If your three year old isn’t napping (and may God be merciful to you if this is the case) then you definitely need quiet time. If this is the case I would aim for a 30 minute quiet time in the morning, and an hour quiet time in the afternoon. (This is what I have heard other parents with non-nappers do). Also, definitely do a potty break right before each quiet time period.

I personally have never experienced a non-napping three year old, because we kept the nap in until 5. So my advice here comes from teaching my children to play independently rather than actually having a nap period.

Don’t Be Overwhelming

First of all, you are going to want to have a certain toy environment to engage a 3 year old.

If your three year old might draw on the walls given the chance, colouring isn’t an independent option. (Unless you get mess-free markers). Little Badger can’t seem to comprehend the colouring only happens on paper rule, so I keep drawing materials out of reach if we aren’t working together. Little Fox never had this problem. Though she also rarely had colouring materials if there was a chance I’d have to walk away.

Open ended toys are probably your best bet for quiet time at this age. Try to offer 3-5 options in the room for quiet time. If there is much more than this, you run into two problems. One, the child is overwhelmed and won’t be able to focus. Two, the amount of mess the child can make with any more options is not worth the benefit of quiet time since it will take just as long to help clean up.

Fill the Love Tank First

Before you send your little one for some quiet time, make sure you have spent at least 10 minutes doing something with your child. Giving your child some focused attention before quiet time helps the success of quiet time. Also, this prevents the feeling of guilt (what did I do with my child all day). If you have multiple kids, this does not need to be one-on-one time. Hold the baby while you read a book to your three year old. Or bounce the other toddler on your lap while you talk to the other about the picture he is drawing.

Quiet Time for a Non-Napping 4 or 5 Year Old

With a four year old, you can definitely aim for an hour and a half of quiet time, with you checking in with the child in the middle of the quiet time period. Just as with the three year old, be sure to start with a potty break.

Two hours of quiet time is doable for a five year old, particularly if she is homeschooled and able to read! Now, it is definitely still a good idea to check in once or twice here, because that is a long period for a young child to be unsupervised. Also, if you are starting with a five year old, you may want to include some quiet independent prayer time as a part of quiet time.

Transitioning to Quiet Time from a Nap

Consider starting quiet time with a 5 minute reading/phonics lesson if your child shows readiness. In The Ordinary Parent’s Guide to Teaching Reading, an author mentions giving her children the choice between a nap and a reading lesson. You could consider this approach as well.

When we transitioned Little Fox to quiet time, we waited till she was five and a half. At this point she was already reading chapter books. This way her quiet time could also include independent reading time. Reading is a large part of our family culture, and Little Fox has no trouble reading for an hour with some Bach playing in the background.

We made quiet time exciting for her. It is a time for her to rest and recharge without her siblings. She can have music and audiobooks, or just quiet. Or a mix of all three. Consider what your child enjoys most. Is there a toy he would like to play with, without siblings around? Add that to your quiet time space.

The Byzantine Life

Thank you for checking out this week’s article! We are just recovering from a week of stomach flus. If you missed our article on daily prayer for kids, check it out here!

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